I Can-Cer Vive.

Long time, no Blog!

These last few weeks have been so so busy for the Chabot family.

I finished Winter finals at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, and moved out as much stuff as I could by myself. And with God's help I was able to figure out my apartment sublease just one hour before I left to go back to Dublin! Luckily, now I won't have to stress about paying for SLO rent while I am at home for treatment.

My "spring break" was definitely not spent like the majority of my college friends. I had appointments at Stanford almost everyday last week. First, I had my PET scan to make sure that the 4 trial infusions went well (and they did! yay!), then I found out that the trial basically took away my thyroid functions so I had to meet with an endocrinologist to be put on thyroid medication for (probably) the rest of my life.

Since the PET scan looked good, my oncologist gave the go ahead for continuing with the Bone Marrow Transplant plan. So I also had a few intense meetings with the Bone Marrow Biopsy Team. These meetings were full of tears and too much information about the strict diets, and restrictions that I will have to be following for the next few months. I also learned about the new port that I had to have. During my first 12 rounds of chemo last year, I had a port surgically put in that a lot of people probably never noticed because it was hidden under my skin, by my left collarbone. Well this port is very different. Not only is it uncomfortable but it's extremely noticeable. There's two IVs hanging out of me and I have to have it for 2 months :( My parents and I had to go to a class where we learned how to clean and the port, and change the dressing for it. That's going to be my parents job every day for the next two months!

One of the "normal" things I got to do over break was see some of my high school friends! It's finally that time of our lives where we are all turning 21 so I got to go out to dinner with a few of my best friends from high school to celebrate Karim's 21st! I'm sad they will be away at school for my 21st, April 5. But I know we will be able to celebrate together once I get past this.

After a long week of appointments, my trial coordinator called my mom and me while we were driving home from an appointment (where we had just seen him an hour before) and he claimed he had "one last request" for the trial.... a bone marrow biopsy.  If anyone doesn't know what a bone marrow biopsy is, it's a painful procedure where the doctor takes a piece of your bone in your back pelvic area to examen for cancer staging, or whatever reason. Well, turns out my bone marrow biopsy would be for the trial, and not really for "my benefit". I decided to continue with the procedure to help future cancer treatments and patients with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I did this type of biopsy back in 2014 when I was first diagnosed with Hodgkin's but it was much more painful this time. Instead of using only a hand screw to get the marrow, the doctor at Stanford used an electric drill that basically sounded like I was in Home Depot. It was a very, very painful and uncomfortable few minutes. I have still been dealing with back soreness and pain since the procedure last week.  The pain is worth it if I know they are using these results for a cure.

My parents and I planned on spending Easter weekend in San Luis Obispo to get my big furniture from my apartment and put in storage for my senior year at Cal Poly. Since I was still in pain from the biopsy, my parents decided to go without me. I was very grateful that they were willing to do all that for me in less than 24 hours. I am still laughing that my parents left for SLO around 10 am Saturday of Easter Weekend and didn't ask for my address to my apartment until 10 hours later... Lol typical Chabot but it all worked out! My furniture is now moved out and put into storage for next year when I know I will be done with this cancer treatment and back at SLO!!!!!

The rest of this week has honestly been a blur. I had to bring up a calendar and clarify the days with my mom because I honestly hardly remember what has happened this week:

Very early Monday morning, I had that new port put in that I talked about earlier. I know have to be super careful when I take a shower, and no pools for the next few months!  A few hours after the surgery, I had to go back to Stanford and get my IV "buddy"  for the night. This is when I really started to get emotionally drained. If you have ever seen A Fault in Our Stars, I felt like the main character for 48 hours. I had to lug around a horrible wheely backpack full of IV fluids that were going through my new port. These fluids were to help prepare my liver for the intense chemotherapy that I would be getting the following day. (I also had to constantly pee for 48 hours straight.. that was no fun). My mom had a very long training for all of the potential alarms that could sound from this bag. Next, we went to dinner and I burst into tears at the dinner table from exhaustion, the stares from strangers and embarrassment of walking around with an IV backpack "buddy".

Tuesday was a big day for me. I spent the entire day in a hospital room in the Cancer Center at Stanford, getting Cytoxan- a very high dose chemotherapy. This was my first of five different chemotherapies that I will be getting over the next two months. I was very lucky to not only have both my parents with me that day but also my best friend from elementary school, Sam!! Sam made it to all my chemotherapies last year and even made cute countdown signs. She has been a great friend over the years..  she truly sees what I'm going through on this journey. I'm very lucky to have her close by! We spent the day ordering room service (the hospital had surprisingly good food), laughing, reading magazines, and also talking to a lot of doctors. I still have to ask Sam or my parents to remind me about information that was given to me during chemo because I hardly remember that day. The "chemo brain" is so REAL this week. I have been losing my train of thought within minutes... it's a little embarrassing. I feel like I'm 90!

The hardest part of that day was getting my mask. I have to wear it for the next two weeks to really keep myself safe from outside germs. the only place that I don't have to wear the mask is in the house. It's a hepa filter mask and I feel like a complete weirdo in it. When my nurse turned on the information video about the mask during chemo, I burst into tears. I can handle the chemo, and the shots, and the poking for blood, but wearing a huge mask in public for the next two months? I wasn't ready for that. My dad had to leave for work at this point in the day, but I was happy to have my mom and Sam with me while I got fitted for my mask and learned the rules. This mask is the same exact one that a construction worker would wear on site, it's made by 3M and I was surprised it was the same one given to cancer patients. I tried to make myself feel better and made a joke about how the sides of the mask looking like pink whoopee cushions. Then my mom and Sam decided they were going to order their own masks so they immediately went on Amazon prime, and ordered their own hep filter masks. I told them to stop and that it wasn't necessary but they didn't listen to me. I am truly grateful to have such an awesome support system.

After chemo, I thought I was feeling a little better so Sam and I went to Trader Joe's to get my mom some flowers and chocolate. My mom has been so strong through this new journey and I could tell she needed a pick me up. She had just had a major crying episode because she was lost in the Stanford parking garage for almost an hour looking for her car. Luckily the security guard was able to help her find it. As we walked out of the car with my IV "buddy"backpack  and mask and into Trader Joe's, I started to laugh because I just felt so funny and I knew I must have looked like a weirdo but seconds later I started to cry. I ran out of Trader Joe's and sat on a bench. Crying and sitting on that bench was the worst feeling in the whole world. I felt completely helpless, and was almost afraid I wouldn't be able to make it through my cancer journey this time. Sam sat with me. She helped me regain my strength to get up and go back into Trader Joe's to get what we wanted. I honestly don't think I could have done it with anyone else- she always knows how to make me feel better. I ignored the looks from strangers and kept my head down. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible but kept my strength and stayed inside. As we walked out with the sunflowers and chocolate for my mom, I felt like I had just accomplished my first big cancer task. I felt relieved. I knew I would slowly be able to do this.

We got to the hotel. And the helplessness started again. Right when the elevator doors opened, a young man in his 30's jumped at the sight of me and said "Wow! you scared me". At first, I started to laugh because I am sure that this man was not expecting to see a girl with big black rolling backpack  with tubes and wearing a huge gas mask.  But right when we got into the elevator, I burst into tears again. I knew this was going to be a long few weeks with the mask... But I know I can do it.

I'm slowly but surely getting used to wearing the mask out of the house . Yesterday, Sam and I went to the mall because I had a few exchanges to do. I was dreading leaving the house for the last few days because it requires me putting on the mask. Sam wore her hepa filter mask that she had ordered on Amazon. She really made me laugh because she made covers with dollar signs for her filter. As we walked into Nordstrom, we were both afraid of the looks. I told her she could take off the mask whenever she wanted but told me she was going to follow the exact rules I had to follow. She has given me confidence to wear the mask in public and still continue to do my daily activities during this journey.

Everyday is slowly becoming a routine. In the morning, my dad has to give me two shots in my stomach to get stem cells ready for Apheresis (this is planned for about April 9th where I will be getting all my "healthy" stem cells taken out of me and put into a freezer). I have a lot of medication to take through out the day. And then at the end of the night, my mom or dad have to "flush" my new port to make sure it stays clean. They had to be trained in this in order to send me home (photo above).

My chemo brain has been worse than it ever was during my 12 rounds of chemo last year! I don't know if it's just because this was a different type of drug, a higher dose, or because I have had so much information given to me in the last few days... but I am having a hard time remembering everything! Even writing this blog post is a bit of a struggle. Because of this, I haven't added to my online classes yet. My brain isn't ready for that much information lol. But in a few weeks, when my chemo brain gets better, I hope to take one or two more online classes. And hopefully get the okay from my doctor for a one week vacation before entering the hospital for a month.

My strength and energy are minimal due to the Neupogen shots I receive everyday. I am having a harder time walking around the house and catch myself panting for breath. I can only stand up for a few minutes before my legs start to hurt or ache but my parents push me to go on walks everyday so I can continue to get exercise and keep up my strength.  What gives me the most strength is all of the shout outs and community support. From the Castlewood/McGrath Irish dancer auction to the meal train, house cleaning and daily #CamilleStrong posts and little gifts I find by the door step. Thank you Thank you. Thank you.

Castlewood McGrath Irish Dancer auction with my cute parents and sister 

Have any more questions?? Please ask! I don't bite!! (especially when I'm wearing the mask)

Sam and I wearing our hepa filter masks

Mask selfie.